She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Everyone says I win the strip club
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
