She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
