Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
