apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
