My sheets look like a crime scene.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Randomize
