I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
