Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We are all done wearing pants today
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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