I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want to have your abortion
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
