my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
