as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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