At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
