My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
