Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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