If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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