why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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