You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
