You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
