i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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