They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
