his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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