i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
