Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
