I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
