Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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