He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
