i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
