I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
