I am in a vortex of obligation.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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