Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
