party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
FUCK WHALES
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
