last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My ass is underappreciated
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
