and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
