This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
