I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so let's talk penis.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
