Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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