His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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