my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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