i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
