i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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