it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
