And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
