dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
