You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
