Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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