so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
