Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We talked him into tasing himself.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
