I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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