so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We are two peas in an std pod
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
