In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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