You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we're making bets on your personal life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
