dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
