the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
