i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
