I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
