I just made out with a guy for $7.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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