I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
