She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
