i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
