Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
